Life's Funny...Until It's Not™ - The Connections We Didn't Know We Needed

I almost didn't go. The introvert in me had an excuse ready. What happened when I showed up anyway changed how I think about connection.

In this episode, I'm digging into connection: what it really means, why we need it more than we think (especially after 55), and what it costs us — physically and emotionally — when we lose it. The U.S. Surgeon General has declared loneliness an epidemic affecting nearly half of all U.S. adults, and the health risks are real: heart disease, stroke, dementia.

I'll share my story of that luncheon in Milford, Delaware, and the connections I didn't know I was ready to make. Then in Food for Thought, we explore intergenerational friendship — why a friend from a different generation might be exactly what you need — and a Washington State program called Find Your People that I'd love to bring to Delaware. Finally, in What I'm Learning, I get honest about slipping toward isolation and what pulled me back out.

Question of the Week: When was the last time you almost talked yourself out of showing up — and what happened when you went anyway?

Connect with me at R2RB.com or email info@r2rb.com. New episodes air the first and second Sunday of each month.

Because Life's Funny…Until It's Not™.

Transcript

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Welcome to Life's Funny Until It's Not. I'm Deb La Mata, and this is the space where we talk honestly about life as it really is. The good, the hard, and the unexpected. And how we keep moving forward anyway. Each episode is broken into three parts. Each one stands on its own, but together they tell a bigger story. So whether you're listening straight through or catching just one segment, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And so let's start right here. Life's Funny Until It's Not. Connection, belonging, and showing up. In this episode of Life's Funny Until It's Not, I'm going to talk about something that touches every single one of us. Connection. Why we need it, what happens when we lose it, and what can happen when we simply show up and let a new one in. In June I wrote about connections. I didn't know at the time that I would expand that post into the next Life's Funny Until It's Not. Let's explore and talk about what connections are between people, what connections mean, how to make connections when you're 55 plus. Then I'll tell you about the connections I didn't know I was ready to make. So what is a connection? The definition is this. Human connection is a sense of closeness and belonging a person experiences when having supportive relationships with those around them. After doing some research, I found that individuals with strong social ties have a 50% greater likelihood of survival than isolated people. Having a connection with another person is considered a fundamental human motivation. When connections are not made or even cultivated, it takes a measurable toll on our body with elevated cortisol, disrupted sleep, impaired immune function, and accelerated cognitive decline. Research has also shown us that even when people think about talking to a stranger, they often predict they'll enjoy keeping to themselves more, but what makes social interaction positive is the dynamic exchange itself, the reciprocity of it, not just the act of showing up. Unfortunately, the numbers are not good for those who feel isolated. One-third of people aged 50 to 80 feel lonely and isolated, and adults aged 50 to 64 are more likely than those 65 or older to report feeling lonely or isolated. And then the Surgeon General made it official. The U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness and isolation an epidemic. Yes, that's what I said. The U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness and isolation an epidemic. Not only that, it affects approximately half of all U.S. adults. Declaring this an epidemic makes it a public health crisis. There are added health risks that come with isolation. Premature death has increased by 29%. It increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, and dementia. Social isolation among older adults accounts for an extra 6.7 billion in Medicare spending each year. The system is paying for loneliness. When we retire from work, we lose that day-to-day interaction with work colleagues, and now we have to make time to meet new people deliberately. I didn't realize how much I would miss that part of working. Did you know that of all age groups, baby boomers show the most signs of disengaging from traditional modes of social relationships? Shocked? I'm not. I can say at times I'm just as bad, being connected to computers, cell phones, tablets, and more. Time. It seems that as you get older, you have time. When we were younger, we were too busy raising children, holding down a full-time job, and helping aging parents who had time to make new friends. When we're making new friends at 55 plus, it's different. We know who we are and we're not competing. And our friendships are more authentic. We also learned that even small interactions with strangers can do us good. It can be someone in line at the coffee shop, the grocery store. It's those little conversations that matter, because sometimes making connections can make a world of difference. If you know me, I usually have a story of my own that ties in with what we have been talking about in each episode. This episode is no different. Let me tell you about the connections I didn't know I was ready to make. I had joined a woman's group on Facebook called the Ethel. The Ethel has a main page and then subpages for different locations. So of course I joined the Delaware group. The introvert side of me was telling the other side of me, wait, there isn't a very big introvert in me, but you get the picture. I was ready to bail because there are events that are local that you can attend. Eventually I decided to go to one of the upcoming events, just a luncheon down in Milford. What did I have to lose? I just had to show up, and I did. There were five of us who came that day, and it was very enjoyable. Great conversations, great ladies, and the food was good too. Not only did I attend that one, but I also attended two other functions. And yes, I am now creating events for my area. Yep, just call me an ambivert. That's right, half introvert, half extrovert. I actually didn't know there was such a word, but there is. Hey, if you play Scrabble, you're welcome. It's been a great experience meeting these women. I'm looking forward to making some connections with these women outside of the events. Even if your life is full or empty, we need these connections. It makes such a difference when you have someone you can text or just call to chat a bit or even share the tea. As I work on filling my time again with the things I like to do, taking road trips, junk journaling, and still learning the keyboard, there needs to be that human connection from platonic relationships to romantic relationships, or even both. Remember, this is your time, your season. Choose the relationships you want to cultivate. I'm looking forward to pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I like being solo, but it doesn't mean I can't make connections. Making intentional connections takes you out of the danger zone that I talked about earlier. You keep your mind active and your body, two major components to keep healthy as we age. Trust yourself, find something that you enjoy doing, and find a group of like-minded people to join. It might take a minute, but I can guarantee you you will find someone to make a connection with. Keep nurturing yourself. Keep growing. Keep growing. Go wild because life's funny until it's not. Now, everything we've talked about tonight, the research, the numbers, my luncheon down in Milford comes down to one thing. Being willing to step outside your comfort zone and let a new connection in. And while I was digging into all of this, I stumbled onto a kind of connection I had never really considered, one that just might surprise you. And that brings me to Food for Thought. This is the part of the show where I share something to sit with. Not advice, not answers, just a perspective worth considering as we move through this season of life. I know that somewhere along the way I have heard the term intergenerational friendship. While I was searching for a topic for Food for Thought that I would tie into this month's life's funny subject, connections, I came across this intergenerational friendship topic. I was immediately drawn in, wanting to find out and learn more about this friendship and connection. Sometimes we have to step out of that comfort zone without even realizing it and form all types of connections. So what is intergenerational friendship? Short answer, friendships form between people of different generations than your own. And the benefits are outstanding for many reasons. The articles I read showed that intergenerational friendships can help with aging, but they are also just wonderful. Having a friend from a different generation can help answer questions from the younger counterpart about what life was like at their age, what it was like parenting, working, and how it feels to be in a new era. On the other side, the elder counterpart can get a new perspective on what's happening in today's world. What is it like navigating a time where technology and yes, even AI, seem to be creeping into every aspect of life? There is a different feeling with intergenerational friendship. There doesn't seem to be the competition that can be at the center of many same age friendships. When we get older, we don't seem to care as much about what other people might think or say about us. The older we get, the more we can enjoy life without the constraints of a 9-5 job, raising kids, and doing a million things we want to accomplish when we were younger. Then there are health benefits from both sides. Having this type of friendship helps with feeling like we have a purpose in life, especially if we have lost more connections than we can count. Several studies have found that social connections can lower cortisol, the stress hormone, and benefits to overall health. We know that social isolation can lead to increased risk of heart disease, dementia, and stroke. One writer said that while she still enjoys the company of people her age, she finds herself gravitating toward younger people for personal growth and a more youthful outlook on life. That statement says so much. Another writer noted that while most of her friendships are with people her own age, those conversations tend to revolve around the same topics kids, schedules, shared responsibilities. And with older friends, she found herself learning different perspectives from their experiences and discovering new topics to explore. It all gives us a different way to look at life and a reason to keep making connections. The last connection I was reading about had a 30-year age difference. Their connection has grown into something the writer said she couldn't replace. He's become one of her best friends because they took a chance on each other. A choice that research increasingly suggests people across generations would benefit from making. Who wouldn't want to have this type of friendship? According to a 2023 study published in the Journal of Aging Studies, there are cognitive, physical, and psychosocial benefits for younger and older adults who regularly interact across generational lines. So how do we make these intergenerational friendships, especially if we feel ourselves starting to feel isolated? It does take an inner push to get any friendship started, cultivated and maintained for the long haul. But what if you had a resource that can match you with someone? There is a program I came across through all my reading on these friendships in the state of Washington called Find Your People. You fill out a questionnaire that is entered into their database and they find a match. No, this is not a dating site. It is run by the state of Washington helping people find new friendships. Some the same age, others matched with someone from a different generation. In a world where so much of our life is connected to a computer, tablet, and a cell phone, meeting people in real time is becoming more difficult. I believe that every state needs to adopt this program. We talk so much about loneliness in the 55 Plus community. We suggest resources, outreach programs, and more. What if we actually put a program like Find Your People in place to combat loneliness? I think we need to do less talking and more implementing real programs that will touch so many who need this. I'm going to be reaching out to Find Your People in the near future to see what it would take to bring this program to Delaware. It will be a tremendous undertaking, but one worth pursuing. If you feel strongly about this too, reach out. I'd love your support in making it happen. I'll be sharing more as I hear back from those running the program in Washington. What I can tell you is this strengthening relationships, connecting across cultures and age groups, and having someone in your corner when you're down. That's what find your people is built around. And that's exactly what we've been talking about all evening. So the phrase of the day is intergenerational friendship, a friendship that comes with benefits that can help you out of your everyday funk. Young or old, we need connections. Good connections, meaningful connections. Connections to help us feel good to be alive. Why? Because life's funny until it's not. I'll leave that right there. Something to chew on this week. And before we wrap up tonight, I want to shift gears one last time and get personal to share something I'm learning right now in real time. And now what I'm learning. This is where I share what I'm reading, thinking about, or stumbling through because staying curious is one of the ways we keep ourselves engaged at this stage of life. Most of us have felt isolated at one time or another. If you haven't, then I hope that you never find yourself in that position. Isolation is a feeling, a feeling that you are all alone in the world, that you have found yourself alone and not sure how you got there. The longer you keep yourself isolated, the harder I think it is to climb out of. Recently I've been making new connections. Some are still being built, others just haven't worked out. The ones that I haven't worked out won't stop me from creating new connections. I've always been comfortable on my own, but I have found out that having new connections in my life has given it a different purpose. A purpose that makes me want to have outside people to connect with. Grab a cup of coffee, lunch, visit a new place, or just have a conversation about nothing. Just a time to share. I actually felt myself slipping into isolation mainly because life had been keeping me close to home. Fortunately, I did finally start coming out of that feeling and wanted to get out of the house. One of the best things that I did for myself was join the Ethel group. It has been such a positive experience attending the events created for the ethels. An even greater experience creating events in my area for other ethels. Have there been bumps in the road of connections? Absolutely. It didn't spin me around or make me run away. It made me want to keep making new connections. Each new connection brings a new perspective on life and a new reason to keep myself from slipping back into isolation. And that, my friends, is why life's funny until it's not. And that brings us to the end of tonight's episode. Thank you for spending this time with me. If something here resonated with you, I hope you'll come back. You can find more stories and podcasts and conversations at r2rb.com or catch Out of the Attic live from Delaware on Sundays at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Until next time, take good care of yourself. And remember, even when life isn't funny, you don't have to go through it alone. Keep showing up for your life. It's still very much in progress. And here's your question of the week. When was the last time you almost talked yourself out of showing up? What happened when you went anyway? I love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Life's funny until it's not, and then somehow it gets funny again!